Sheik13LoZ 2023-12-25 23:59:58

Nice! Like the aztec death whistle metaphor, and love the back and forth in dialogue!

JimmyTheCaterpillar 2023-12-26 00:29:05

well-written! I love the way you painted the scene here. well done!

Intrapath 2024-01-01 20:25:59

I dig it (eh? Ehhh?)! One of my favorite parts was the line "She was always too good for you." The ambiguity made this one a stand out. At first, I thought it was the skeleton speaking to Garland until I read a little further and realized otherwise. It didn't seem out of character for either of them to be saying that to the other, though. It felt deliberate and was a great moment of discovery.

One thing that did throw me off though was the frequent switching between current and past tense; it wasn't hard to get back in the groove, but it did pull me out a few times.

JAMRIOT 2024-01-11 23:12:10

Great work! Thanks for your participation!

You definitely have a knack for making really short stories and scenes work for you. It's difficult to make a piece as short as this really have any impact, and you managed it with flying colors! There are a few moments in which the descriptions of different items came off as a bit unnecessary, especially when some descriptions occupied lots of the early space of the story and didn't come back to have any major significance. That being said, some of the descriptions were very impactful and had meaning later in the story (the sweater being too small, the snow and the bone becoming indistinguishable, etc.). Those moments were excellently done, and I appreciate that you spent most of your time worldbuilding through character relationships, rather than solely through exposition! Well done!

Thanks again for participating :) winners will be announced on my Newgrounds and Discord very soon!